I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
