You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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