Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
