i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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