Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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