At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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