pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
