me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
