First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Life is so much better after having sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
