the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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