once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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