i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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