We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
