I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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