Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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