I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We left the knife in your bed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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