I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i think i have two assholes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
