Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
