come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
