After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
