I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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