There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
