The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
