If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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