I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
