our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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