Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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