You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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