he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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