I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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