Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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