Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
