Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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