yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
