i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize