There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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