you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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