On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
