It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What did we do last night that was yellow?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
