Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
