Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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