from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Damn victory sex feels great
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
