i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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