I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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