Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
