I feel great
I just peed on a car
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
