Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
