she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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