My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Randomize
