Porn is love you can see.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
