Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
