i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
