Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
