it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
