I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
