i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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