At least make sure they are 18
Why
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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