I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
