He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have already put on my inside pants.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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