So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
