spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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