Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
