Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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