He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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