guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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