so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do herpes really smell.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
