You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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