And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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