Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize